ahhH!

So tonight Aron, Jill, Matt and I all went on a double date. We went to eat at Charleston's first and it was funny cause while we were there i think it may have been jill who asked if aron and i thought wed fight tonight and we looked at each other- and we said yes...and she suggested possible things they could be about- and they were dumb of course. and I was like no it'll be dumber than that- and Aron agreed. After we ate we went to gameworks and played indi car racing and basketball and horse racing blah blah blah and then we left at like 11 and Aron was obviously tired cause he works and I was really tired too im not sure why? He came over at like 950 this morning and woke me up but I mean its not like thats 550 so I'm not sure I was just grumpy. Anyhow were in his car and he's taking me home and he's like I'm probably not going to come inside tonight. and I went okay. and he goes it's just that I didn't get that much sleep last night and I'm really tired. and I went okay again. and he kept giving more reasons and i was jsut so grumpy i was getting frustrated cuase I understood the fact that he wasn't coming inside and I didn't need/want to hear more reasons and he just kept giving them to me so finally i snapped and went OKAY! and i was sitting in the middle of his car like right by him and he goes why don't you move over- so i moved over to the other seat and then he was like you don't just yell at someone like that carey that's so rude gosh how come when I'm tired I can't be grumpy and you can Gosh and now your just not going to talk to me and your not going to apolgozie cause your a perfect and your always right and your gunna give me the silent treatment and im going to have to end up saying Im sorry just so i can get a guess and have you tell me you love me. Now I obviously knew I was wrong- and that I shoudln't have snapped- and I had no reason too and it was inexusable...but first of all it wans't like THAT big of a deal...he's snapped at me worse than that...and I didn't even get a chance to apolgoize or to say anything for that matter cuase he just started rambling on about how I'm perfect and never aplogize and obviously after he said that I sure wasn't going to apolgoize...so we just kept getting in a bigger fight and a bigger fight and we didn't listen to anything the other one was saying and he said he doenst wanta apolgozie and i said than don't and then his cussing came out and it was fucking this and fucking that and then the other night i read him part of my diary...and obviously that's like me being emotional and him and i both know that like my biggest fault is expressing like my feelings and being sensitive...ill be the first to admit that and i hate it...so than he goes why dont you fucking stop writing in your diary and give me some of the fucking sensitivy i never fucking see it and I'm tired of that...and I guess that was just a low blow to me because who in the first place intheir right mind would let anyone let alone their boyfriend who every entry is about read their diary? LIke i was so embarassed to do that and I guess afterwards I was glad I did because as i said I'm not very like sensivite or at least expressive of it so he finally got to see it...but I guess I read it cause I wanted him to see that...so I jsut thought it was a really low blow and that he didn't even see that that was hard for me and not everyone is a natural about talking about their feelings...so he continued on to say he was never going to apologize to me again and i said fine than dont and he dropped me off and i was getting outa the car and he goes you can call me when your ready to apologize and talk to me im not fucking calling you and IM not fucking apologizing and i went than dont! and he goes i wont have a great fucking day tomorrow...and then I went inside...and yah that was the fight...its so stupid cause it was about like nothing we just get so mad and so worked up and fight and its terrible...and I am very stubborn he is right about that so its gunna be hard come tomorrow when I have to give in and call him and talk about it...just i guess its both of our faults and i obviously started it...but It wasnt that big of a deal to begin with all i said was OKAY...and he just doenst ever give me a chance to change- I don't know I know it was like my fault but I just don't know why he had to blow it up outa porpotion- i just feel like everytime hes mad at me he brings up the last 10 times and gets mad about them too and that's not fair- not to mention the fact that he gets 10 times madder and than so do i. we are retarted.